howdy! gosh, time is flying and we have not been blogging! a lot of my time has been absorbed by my parents and their needs, so casey and i haven't quite been exploring as much lately or writing as much. things seem to be changing rapidly with my parents. their relationship has been altered by age and their personalities are shifting, so it really is a whole new ballgame.
we have been trying to get organized, rearrange responsibilities and set up systems to make it easier on them. we referee when we need to, talk them down when they need calming and try to be the voice of reason. there is much tension and misunderstanding. i can see how confusing things can get and personally, it worries me a little to think this could happen to me and casey someday!
so, while we have many, many pictures to post of some wonderful spring bbqs we've had and stories of great friend's visits, i am not quite able to get these all loaded right now. the fact remains, we have one month left to go unless it becomes clear we need to stay on a spell longer.
we'll see how it goes...we're making really good progress getting organized, but there will still be some dancing to do. today we're going to talk to the head nurse at kimball farms to see what care is available to them and if it makes sense they move into the next level. while it sounds great, this place is also filled with some mentally challenged patients, who clearly are way more incapacitated than my parents. it is a bit scary to think of them surrounded by people like this. and yet, it is becoming more clear they need more assistance than where they are now. so what do we do? my dad really does not want to go, he likes his apartment. it makes me so sad that he may need to be somewhere he doesn't want to be. but it is too hard on my mom for things to stay how they are. there will need to be compromise (and a small miracle) for this to go smoothly.
more to come. just a quick note to let you all know we are here, doing our best to provide support though there is less time to keep you all updated on the fun stuff! like my birthday, which was amazing!! i spent the day with my family and they surprised me with a gift certificate to Kripalu, the famous yoga retreat center here. I can't wait to go spend an entire day there....I'm going to need it!! love to all of you...we'll catch up again soon. xoxoxoxox
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
unobstructed beauty
in a time when so much joy is obstructed by a failing economy and dwindling finances and now swine flu(!@#$!)... we fail to realize there are still blessings in the world. being here, i do feel somewhat removed or sheltered from life's harsher realities because my immediate surroundings demand my attention so often every day. it is sort of like being in a bubble of beauty...and if i could somehow capture it and share it with all of you, i would! i now know that the bay area holds no monopoly on beauty.
i truly believe spending time somewhere beautiful changes our perspective, fills us with hope and renews our spirit. with spring FULLY sprung, flowers, trees, bees, birds, frogs, bunnies and all growing things, are bountiful. nature in springtime is unstoppable! the gardens here on bob's property are bursting, the trees all blooming and the hills green and lush. it relaxes me, bringing balance to any fears or anxieties that might crop up. i hope you will find some quiet time to spend in nature and that it fills you with peace during these uncertain times.
with only 2 months left, we treasure every moment fiercely. borrowing my sister-in-law's motorcycle (thank you thierrie!), and donned in our new helmets, we now tour a new area every day, viewing country life as we cruise along. the history of this area is felt deeply in every rickety paint-peeled barn, built hundreds of years ago, the well-kept farmhouses that dot the area, and the crisp, tidy, colonial charm of the architecture. large stone churches and arches, mossy rock walls demarkating property lines and perimeters, rolling hills undulating toward the mountains. and every so often, we run into horses, cows, sheep, llama and buffalo. (well, not literally run into)
reminders of my childhood are everywhere. being on the east coast is like walking down memory lane: the bright yellow forsythia that lined the yard of my childhood home, the so red cardinals, lightening and thunderstorms, warm nights, jimmies on black raspberry ice cream..oh the list goes on and on! meeting up with some friends from high school and college reminded me of who i was when i was young. parts of myself that i had long ago forgotten. these visits have been priceless and a reminder of all the growing pains i had while still learning who i was. i had a youth full of experimentation and boundary-pushing. somehow, gratefully, my parents still talk to me!
family life is great. time with my sister michele has been so wonderful-when she left for college in 1976, i was 9 years old. since then it's only been sporatic visits, until now. it has been really rewarding spending time together as adults. and soooo much fun getting to know her husband eiran, and their sons adam, lior and matan-they are super cool, i adore them. i love how unique each of them are. we all convene weekly for family dinners at kimball farms with the folks. my mom is managing her sanity and her ailing memory. this woman's spirit still bright and sense of humor keen in every moment. always an inspiration to me. my dad is doing fair, losing weight but tries to power through the day best he can. naps are frequent. he is enjoying our visits. i see such a bond of trust that has developed between him and casey, it is a gift to see their relationship flourish. yesterday, we took my dad to the bowling alley. he is having a hard time walking, so he sat and coached us. his magic words led to more pins falling, more so with casey, than with me, but at least we both scored over 100. not quite the 185 average my dad had in his day! it was nice to have him experience the sights, smells and sounds of a place he so loved so dearly in his life.
we recently spent a week in nyc, visiting old friends, seeing musuems, chilling in central park with the coopman, seeing some shows (fun!) and eating yummy food and even a day at the jersey shore. staying at my friend fenners in hoboken, we returned each night exhausted and full of city life! it feels like the city is bursting at the seams with people, lights, action. and the pace beyond fast. have i gone soft, or what?! just walking down the street made me feel like i was on speed! well...maybe i'm not quite the urban girl i used to be. after an incredible time visiting with dear old friends, some i hadn't seen since the 80's!, we were ready to return to the country. and so, here we are reaping the rewards for having survived the winter...as a local friend said, we've earned this profusion of new life. the sunshine, the birdsongs. so for those moments when we get swept up by the intricacies of living in today's world...i invite you to make time for a walk in the sun, a moment in the sand or even, sitting mindfully with a healthy meal. where is the beauty in your world...where do you look for reminders of what is positive and thriving and alive?
hope to hear from you soon...wishing you all well!
with gratitude, jen
with only 2 months left, we treasure every moment fiercely. borrowing my sister-in-law's motorcycle (thank you thierrie!), and donned in our new helmets, we now tour a new area every day, viewing country life as we cruise along. the history of this area is felt deeply in every rickety paint-peeled barn, built hundreds of years ago, the well-kept farmhouses that dot the area, and the crisp, tidy, colonial charm of the architecture. large stone churches and arches, mossy rock walls demarkating property lines and perimeters, rolling hills undulating toward the mountains. and every so often, we run into horses, cows, sheep, llama and buffalo. (well, not literally run into)
reminders of my childhood are everywhere. being on the east coast is like walking down memory lane: the bright yellow forsythia that lined the yard of my childhood home, the so red cardinals, lightening and thunderstorms, warm nights, jimmies on black raspberry ice cream..oh the list goes on and on! meeting up with some friends from high school and college reminded me of who i was when i was young. parts of myself that i had long ago forgotten. these visits have been priceless and a reminder of all the growing pains i had while still learning who i was. i had a youth full of experimentation and boundary-pushing. somehow, gratefully, my parents still talk to me!
family life is great. time with my sister michele has been so wonderful-when she left for college in 1976, i was 9 years old. since then it's only been sporatic visits, until now. it has been really rewarding spending time together as adults. and soooo much fun getting to know her husband eiran, and their sons adam, lior and matan-they are super cool, i adore them. i love how unique each of them are. we all convene weekly for family dinners at kimball farms with the folks. my mom is managing her sanity and her ailing memory. this woman's spirit still bright and sense of humor keen in every moment. always an inspiration to me. my dad is doing fair, losing weight but tries to power through the day best he can. naps are frequent. he is enjoying our visits. i see such a bond of trust that has developed between him and casey, it is a gift to see their relationship flourish. yesterday, we took my dad to the bowling alley. he is having a hard time walking, so he sat and coached us. his magic words led to more pins falling, more so with casey, than with me, but at least we both scored over 100. not quite the 185 average my dad had in his day! it was nice to have him experience the sights, smells and sounds of a place he so loved so dearly in his life.
we recently spent a week in nyc, visiting old friends, seeing musuems, chilling in central park with the coopman, seeing some shows (fun!) and eating yummy food and even a day at the jersey shore. staying at my friend fenners in hoboken, we returned each night exhausted and full of city life! it feels like the city is bursting at the seams with people, lights, action. and the pace beyond fast. have i gone soft, or what?! just walking down the street made me feel like i was on speed! well...maybe i'm not quite the urban girl i used to be. after an incredible time visiting with dear old friends, some i hadn't seen since the 80's!, we were ready to return to the country. and so, here we are reaping the rewards for having survived the winter...as a local friend said, we've earned this profusion of new life. the sunshine, the birdsongs. so for those moments when we get swept up by the intricacies of living in today's world...i invite you to make time for a walk in the sun, a moment in the sand or even, sitting mindfully with a healthy meal. where is the beauty in your world...where do you look for reminders of what is positive and thriving and alive?
hope to hear from you soon...wishing you all well!
with gratitude, jen
Saturday, April 4, 2009
all things revealed; part one and two
we've been through the snow season, then the mud season and now into the rainy season. wonderful bursts of thunder and breath-stopping lightening. now that the snow has melted, i now have two new favorite discoveries: i was walking down my street, i heard this loud cacophony of frogs, only to find there is a pond right down in the belly of the meadow - who knew?! it is wonderful and now each night, the frogs serenade us. this is the sound of the sivananda yoga farm. it is the sound of warm summer evenings and camping. it is a welcome addition to our country life. i can't wait for crickets and fireflies! the frogs seemed to have appeared out of no where, and were bouncing all over the street last night, i think we managed to dodge them in the car-where did they all come from?!
last night, after dinner, we walked up this gravel road, around the side of laurel lake and followed it to a private beach around back. it was late dusk, and there was mist floating above the water and a light drizzle and no one in sight. we stood at the edge of the lake, in the almost darkness, and i swear i never felt so peaceful. i can't wait to go back there! now that the lake is melted, it is kayak time!! if the weather breaks tomorrow, we will try to go for it.
we watch the weather mellow and all once frozen things zing to life. the bulbs are all pushing through the soil, the grass is getting green. obviously, we love our surroundings and exploring every inch of it. we are now midway through our visit. the weeks are passing by quickly. i see my parents every other day and have observed their dance. i really see myself in both of them, and both of them in me. they are wonderful to experience and am enjoying every minute of being close to them. i always felt one step off-beat with my family, or them with me...as if we weren't ever quite in sync. maybe just perception, but it has always been around family when i felt my own uniqueness the most. but as we explore eachother, i believe we are finding understanding and finding the places where we intersect, as relatives and as people. this is priceless beyond words.
i find the most important thing, especially toward the end of life, but always, really, is compassion. we may not understand what drives one another, but there can always be kindness. i feel endless compassion for my parents. i see frustration and impatience between them, though i think its human nature at this stage. despite this, i see them being who they are, doing their best with the circumstances they have. while it could be easy to criticize, it is hard to say we would behave any different at their age. and they are quite remarkable in their own way. and when we all laugh together, or share a story, or witness our own humanity, it is magic.
there are three more months of our scheduled time here...so much more to absorb of this place, it's openness, the expanse of space and mountains and lakes, and of the people in my family that are so treasured to me. i know this is already a place i don't want to leave...and yet, i know there is another life waiting out there for casey and i to begin again. if only i can be in two places at once.
i'll let casey continue with the rest of our story, and all else that has been 'revealed'. am hoping that you are all well and enjoying your lives. am missing you all!!! xoxo
All Things Revealed, Part Two:
While we've been loving the discovery of this part of the country, I've also been absorbed with what comes next. I've heard back from all four schools that I applied to, and I was happily accepted by two: Oregon and CCA in San Francisco. Berkeley didn't take me, which was my first choice due to the quality and the price. CCA is equally amazing program, but the price is off the charts. Oregon is a good program, mid-priced, but comes with a hidden cost: moving to Eugene.
A big thing that has been revealed to Jen and I through all this is that the Bay Area is our Home. It's what we know, where our community is, and where we envision ourselves growing old and living our life out. We love going away and traveling and seeing new places for long periods (in case you haven't noticed!), but we always relish coming Home, to the Bay Area. This realization has driven a hard decision, based on future struggles due to indebtedness. But if there's a place where I'd have to hustle to make it, and be tapped in to the movements to better our life and the environment, the Bay is the place to do it! No?
So, the plan is set: Our lease is up at the end of June here, and we know now that we are traveling the width of the country once again, ending up at Oaktown. My plan is to try and keep as many options open as possible. I'm going to start at CCA in the summer, for an intensive 3 week session. After that, I might be taking a "leave of absence" from the program for a year, giving me time to make/find/borrow/steal monies enough to afford CCA. I might also reapply to Berkeley and give it another shot. This gives Jen the opportunity to work for better wages, continue her journey in nutrition and community, and who knows: we may even get into the housing market while the gettin's good!
Through all of this I've also discovered something about myself that I wasn't sure about: Architecture is definitely the course of my life's work. I find myself getting sucked more and more into its world, the immense opportunity to design a better world and the people that are well on their way, the lessons to learn, the real looming threat of climate change that we too readily ignore for the sake of its reality. Humans are great at Head-in-Sand action. Perhaps we are wired to dismiss threats until they are right upon us. Not to say we didn't build defenses against the lions on the plains, but we didn't run until they broke through the walls... Same goes for sea level rise and CO2 emissions. Economic Collapse... all that. We'll deny its happening until its happened and then look around surprised we were caught off guard. I feel that I can see enough now to know that I must keep at it, until we adapt, survive, and thrive in This Life!
last night, after dinner, we walked up this gravel road, around the side of laurel lake and followed it to a private beach around back. it was late dusk, and there was mist floating above the water and a light drizzle and no one in sight. we stood at the edge of the lake, in the almost darkness, and i swear i never felt so peaceful. i can't wait to go back there! now that the lake is melted, it is kayak time!! if the weather breaks tomorrow, we will try to go for it.
we watch the weather mellow and all once frozen things zing to life. the bulbs are all pushing through the soil, the grass is getting green. obviously, we love our surroundings and exploring every inch of it. we are now midway through our visit. the weeks are passing by quickly. i see my parents every other day and have observed their dance. i really see myself in both of them, and both of them in me. they are wonderful to experience and am enjoying every minute of being close to them. i always felt one step off-beat with my family, or them with me...as if we weren't ever quite in sync. maybe just perception, but it has always been around family when i felt my own uniqueness the most. but as we explore eachother, i believe we are finding understanding and finding the places where we intersect, as relatives and as people. this is priceless beyond words.
i find the most important thing, especially toward the end of life, but always, really, is compassion. we may not understand what drives one another, but there can always be kindness. i feel endless compassion for my parents. i see frustration and impatience between them, though i think its human nature at this stage. despite this, i see them being who they are, doing their best with the circumstances they have. while it could be easy to criticize, it is hard to say we would behave any different at their age. and they are quite remarkable in their own way. and when we all laugh together, or share a story, or witness our own humanity, it is magic.
there are three more months of our scheduled time here...so much more to absorb of this place, it's openness, the expanse of space and mountains and lakes, and of the people in my family that are so treasured to me. i know this is already a place i don't want to leave...and yet, i know there is another life waiting out there for casey and i to begin again. if only i can be in two places at once.
i'll let casey continue with the rest of our story, and all else that has been 'revealed'. am hoping that you are all well and enjoying your lives. am missing you all!!! xoxo
All Things Revealed, Part Two:
While we've been loving the discovery of this part of the country, I've also been absorbed with what comes next. I've heard back from all four schools that I applied to, and I was happily accepted by two: Oregon and CCA in San Francisco. Berkeley didn't take me, which was my first choice due to the quality and the price. CCA is equally amazing program, but the price is off the charts. Oregon is a good program, mid-priced, but comes with a hidden cost: moving to Eugene.
A big thing that has been revealed to Jen and I through all this is that the Bay Area is our Home. It's what we know, where our community is, and where we envision ourselves growing old and living our life out. We love going away and traveling and seeing new places for long periods (in case you haven't noticed!), but we always relish coming Home, to the Bay Area. This realization has driven a hard decision, based on future struggles due to indebtedness. But if there's a place where I'd have to hustle to make it, and be tapped in to the movements to better our life and the environment, the Bay is the place to do it! No?
So, the plan is set: Our lease is up at the end of June here, and we know now that we are traveling the width of the country once again, ending up at Oaktown. My plan is to try and keep as many options open as possible. I'm going to start at CCA in the summer, for an intensive 3 week session. After that, I might be taking a "leave of absence" from the program for a year, giving me time to make/find/borrow/steal monies enough to afford CCA. I might also reapply to Berkeley and give it another shot. This gives Jen the opportunity to work for better wages, continue her journey in nutrition and community, and who knows: we may even get into the housing market while the gettin's good!
Through all of this I've also discovered something about myself that I wasn't sure about: Architecture is definitely the course of my life's work. I find myself getting sucked more and more into its world, the immense opportunity to design a better world and the people that are well on their way, the lessons to learn, the real looming threat of climate change that we too readily ignore for the sake of its reality. Humans are great at Head-in-Sand action. Perhaps we are wired to dismiss threats until they are right upon us. Not to say we didn't build defenses against the lions on the plains, but we didn't run until they broke through the walls... Same goes for sea level rise and CO2 emissions. Economic Collapse... all that. We'll deny its happening until its happened and then look around surprised we were caught off guard. I feel that I can see enough now to know that I must keep at it, until we adapt, survive, and thrive in This Life!
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Debt Dilemma
My life right now is a waiting game. Waiting to hear back from schools to then decide where I'm going to spend the next three years. Once we know, we can plan the next stage of our life. We are thinking more and more it will be back in the Bay Area, as I've been accepted to California College of the Arts in SF. A fantastic school with an awesome architecture program. I should be ecstatic! Why am I not? Well, its a private art school that will run me a little over 30 K a year for 3 years... that's 3 times 30...equals a whole lotta dough, and a lot of interest to boot!
So I'm consumed with weighing the options of that being my best shot (if Berkeley doesn't come through... what's taking them so long!!) and wondering if its wise to go for it, damn the debt, and work my ass off afterwards to eternally pay it back. I mean, that's the American way no? The price I have to pay for quality education and the chance to move ahead in life. Now, in a perfect world where the economy isn't tanking and I don't lie awake at night thinking the free market system is finally crashing and I should concentrate on growing food and building a home for the long term goal of sustainable old age, I think maybe the future is nothing but rainbows and high-paying commissions for sustainable architecture, and I'd have no dilemma at all. But we all know that's not the case and the future is tentative at best. Now, 3 years from now, this current crisis could all be a distant memory, or if history is our teacher, forgotten altogether, and we'll be on to the next bubble of business and profit$. In that case, I should definitely go for it!
I know a lot of you are reading this thinking: Hell, I have waaaay more debt than this guy, and I'm making it. House, car, school, saving for kid's school, etc. Suck it up! Join the club and get on with it. OK, admittedly I've long lived with a philosophy that big debt is bad and the current form of slavery, or at least indentured servitude, and Jen has never had debt and we enjoy a certain freedom because of it. What is lost and what is gained from debt? From the living today on the hopes of tomorrow's earnings. A scary time to do the math, I know, and no one (including and especially those in charge) know what the hell the world will look like in 3 or 5 years. Do you? If you are reading this, please comment and tell me your opinion, any advice, or your experiences living with/under/through indebtedness. Roll the dice with me...
Casey
Sunday, March 15, 2009
photo gallery
just getting around to posting some more photos of our apartment and the people we are getting to spend time with these days...
360 view
for those of you who might have missed this on facebook....here is a short video of what we see everyday, taken about a month ago...enjoy! we miss you and would love to hear from you soon. muchlove, jen
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